Still Here Magazine

By Courtie Leigh

Emotional depth can be tricky in creative non-fiction. What’s too much? What’s not enough? How do you write about hard things without emotionally derailing your entire week? I had never answered these questions myself until I was asked how I approach emotional depth in my own work.

 After lots of reflecting (and emotionally derailing myself) and 4 years of college creative writing courses, I’ve come up with 5 things I wish I would have known.

#1 Write What You Run From

The most emotionally raw piece I’ve written is published in Still Here Magazine is called “Sincerely, The Caged Bird.” It kind of feels unfair to use this piece to talk about emotional depth because that piece is made of real journal entries from a hard time in my life. It doesn’t get more emotionally vulnerable than that. Emotional depth in creative non-fiction is not about writing good emotional lines, it’s about honesty. Put the pieces of you that make you uncomfortable next to the pieces of you that are polished. It’s hard to know readers might see me as confusing, contradictory, or even… a jerk. But I’ve gotten more comfortable with this, I want them to see the bad parts of me because someone out there has been in those same shoes. Being vulnerable inspires connection. I write what past me would have needed to not feel alone. If a detail makes you think about “how would my family react if they read this? Would they see me the same?” Start typing. You don’t have to share it with anyone, and if you do, pen names exist for a reason.

 #2 Prepare Yourself (Seriously)

This is advice I often ignore. Do as I say, not as I do because it has not worked in my favor. Recently, I spent three hours working on a piece about my family’s history. For three hours I sat in the library and wrote about my grandpa’s escape from his abusive dad, my mom’s abusive relationship before meeting my dad, and my experience with PTSD. After I was done, I shut my laptop, went to class, and went to work like normal. Then I was confused as to why I was hit with a massive panic attack and thought my heart was going to leave my chest. I realize now, that was not just a random panic attack, it was a response. I unpacked a lot without preparing myself or doing anything to destress later. You may not respond as strongly as I did. I have a neurological condition that is induced by stress, but anyone writing difficult material should be prepared for emotional turmoil. Once you start writing, you might not know what’s going to show up on that page, so be prepared for anything. Have an aftercare plan too! For me, that is putting down my laptop, putting on a comfort show and embroidering. Do yourself a favor and think about anything except your writing for a little bit and come back when you’re ready.

 #3 Write Across Genres

 If you would have asked me what I wrote a year ago, I would have said fiction. In high school and early college, all I did was write fiction novels or long form works. I dreaded the day my fiction professor said we were working on short stories. How could I say everything I wanted to in 500 words or less? If that wasn’t bad enough, my advisor told me I had to take a Creative Non-Fiction class. Thankfully, my dread turned into passion. Non-Fiction has thoroughly strengthened my skills as a fiction writer and poet. I understand the people I write about in my non-fiction. I knew what their motives are behind their actions, their fears, sometimes even their whole life story. It’s hard to write non-fiction without facing emotional depth. Now when I write fiction, I ask a lot of questions. What’s happening inside of my character’s head? How does their past influence their decisions? Do they even know why they behave the way they do? Sometimes a character doesn’t know how they feel. You can use that for emotional depth too, embrace the confusion. Writing across genres forces you to see emotions from all different angles and make you a better writer.

#4 Give Your Characters Space to Process

That leads me to some advice for fiction writers. Real emotions don’t happen instantly. People rarely react in immediate honest ways. Your characters shouldn’t either. Not everyone cries on cue or punches a wall in anger (Although, sometimes they do and that’s okay). I HATE romances where the anxious protagonist falls in love after someone does something so minimal like opening a door or complimenting their hair. Realistically, that character is overanalyzing her walking speed and wondering if she inconvenienced the door holder. If you want that cheesy romance, that’s fine! Write it but make sure your intention is an unrealistic cheesy romance. Still, characters need time to be confused, sit in silence, and start to panic. This doesn’t have to be a whole new scene, it can be shown in a line. It’s still important that it’s there. I learned this while writing a scene where my character got kidnapped by his long-lost brother. Instead of allowing him to panic about being kidnapped, waking up in a dark room, and being tied up, I had him jump to immediate anger. No shock, just yelling and spitting. The scene didn’t work because I didn’t allow him to process the situation he was in. Allowing him to process the situation also allowed him to process his surroundings and strengthen the setting as well. I also love The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue. (Minor spoiler alert) Addie doesn’t immediately run from her first arranged marriage. She sits with fear first. When her first suitor dies, she waits until she’s practically walking down the aisle to her second arranged marriage before running away into the woods where she confronts her fears. If she didn’t give herself space to process, the story would be completely different. Give your characters space. Emotional depth tends to be found before the reaction, not after it.

#5 Read & Experiment

There is no exact recipe for emotional depth, it’s going to differ from piece to piece. Experiment and see what happens. Read, read, read. Memoirs, essays, fiction, poetry. Observe how different writers express their emotions and their characters’ emotions. When do you feel the strongest emotions conveyed in their work? Is it silence? Metaphors? Restraints? Reflection? Try everything you see on those pages, even if it makes you cringe or doesn’t feel right. Write now, cringe later. Time spent experimenting is time never wasted. What doesn’t work now may work later.

Courtie Leigh is an English Studies major at Ball State University. Passionate about writing, Courtney explores human experiences and the things that keep her up at night. In her free time, you can find her sipping on coffee, puzzling, or rocking out with her 3 year old cat, Luna Lou. You can find her on Instagram @courtieleighh and TikTok @readwcourtieleigh.